mighty_fine_azn_guy on Xanga

Weblog

Sunday, 08 June 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

lesson learned

throughout life, you learn many lessons. some good, some bad. life is full of choices, and its not whether you make a good or a bad choice. its whether you can learn from your choices and make yourself a better person. at a young age, you learn the meaning of family and love. you learn that there are people that you can always count on and there are people you can always trust. as you grow older, you learn that there are also enemies and those out to hurt you. you learn that there are people you cant trust and that there are people you shouldnt trust. when you get old. you learn the lessons that life taught you and with that knowledge, you share and you teach. though i might not be right or know everything, this is what i know. looking back on year 20 of my life, here's a couple of lessons that i've learned.

starting at the beginning, i've learned that my heart is a fragile thing. by entering into a relationship that i knew was doomed before it even began, i set myself up for a load of hurting. from crazy exes to lies to more lies. i was torn from the inside out. being comforted and consoled only to be lied to the next morning is not a good feeling. but i learned that i can go on. and though my heart may shatter, i learned that with a lil time, tape and a bit of glue, i can carry on. i learned to not lean on anyone. i learned to trust my heart when it tells me that something is wrong. i learned not to put down my defenses and to defend myself against heartache and to pick myself up when i do.

then came the death of my grandma. she is the sweetest and strongest woman i can think of. she was selfless and caring. accepting and comforting. she was beautiful and daring. and i love her. though i was not able to be by her side when she passed, i felt as though i've completed my role as a grandchild to her when she was alive. i was there when she was sick, i was there when she needed comforting and i was strong when she needed someone to lean on. from taking care of her and being by her side. i learned many of her characteristics. i may not have mastered them, but i do have the basics. not a day goes by that i dont think about her or what she has done for me and the family.

my family. oh how i love them so. i've learned that no matter what. my family will always be there. the most important thing i learned from my family is trust. i learned that i can trust my family with my secrets. even the most deepest, darkest ones, or at least most of them. i have learned that being honest with the family tears down so many walls that allows us to be closer. because i was afraid. i never said anything. and though they knew, they left it for me to tell them on my own terms at my own comfort. and i love them for that. because they love me. for me. with all my imperfections. bu having them by my side, it has not only made me stronger, but also more confident. i learned that having a family that is always there is not a weakness or a setback, and though they may be overpowering or over controlling, i know that they mean only the best. im grateful for their support and their care.

i've also learned that summer flings are nothing more than summer flings. though there were happy times with fun and games... i learned that it all ends when summer is over. i learned that friends made through these summer flings are only my friends because i was there, temporary accomplices to say the least. i learned that planned trips arent always as fun or as relaxing as the spur of the moment trips. i learned that people arent who they seem to be, and that under their smooth talk and slick exterior, they can be worse than rotting on the inside. after being hurt for the second and third time of the year [relationship wise] i learned to turn my heart cold. i learned to build a defense so strong and so high that not even the slightest bit of heartache can get in. i learned that i dont need to find someone to be accepted and that i dont need anyone to complete me. i learned to turn my heart into stone, stone so hard, to prevent it from shattering, ever again.

but a couple of months later. i learned that my heart of stone can be melted. i learned that my wall of defense can be broken down. i learned that my shattered heart can be healed. i learned that by giving up, i found someone that has made me happy. i learned that through it all, i can love again. like i've said before, i gave up on the day i met you. i decided that i wont look anymore. that i'll just be alone and not have to deal with rejection. but in the strangest of places and under the most oddest of circumstances, i met you. along with your great personality, i learned that you love me for who i am, and not just what i have, look or act. before you, my heart turned cold and dark. i blocked everyone and everything out... because i was afraid of hurt. but you just strolled in and took over. you opened my eyes to all the possibilities out there and gave me the love and care that i've always wanted. you are all that i've been looking for, but was never able to find. i learned that love is more that just saying 'i love you', its showing the love and feeling it too. i learned that i have lil weird habits that i never knew i had, like sticking out my tongue a lil when i concentrate, or lifting my fingers when i use my mousepad. i learned about jealousy and trust. but most importantly, i learned that luck is on my side, because i am lucky to have met you and to have you in my life. we have been through a bit, and with all the ups and downs, im glad that i have you by my side. i learned that with you, i dont have to hide anything. my secrets to you are like an open book. and my life, a story that is being written with you in mind. pst. guess what... [scribble scribble] =)

but the most important lesson that i've learned is about friends. i learn that there are different types of friends, there are the "good friends" friends that will be there for you, even if you dont talk to them every day.they are the friends that you can automatically strike a conversation that can last for hours even if you havent seen them, or heard from them in years. there are the "just friends" friends that you see/run into every now and then and just say hi. these are the ones that you call up to ask for favors but dont really expect them to be there... like a back up/whatever person. and though they have the potential to be bumped up to the good friend category, they can also eventually become the third category, which are the people who you think are friends, the ones that demand every ounce of attention that they can get and when you cant give it, they take their high and mighty ass along elsewhere. maybe it sounds mean. but honestly i learned alot about people. a certain person to be more specific.

you know what. what a great friend you were. hah. its funny how you write that im two faced and backstabbing when i have no idea what the hell i did. if anything i found happiness... and if you werent being such an attention craving lunatic, you'd actually be happy for be instead of being such a sadistic halfassed friend. normally "best friends" should be supportive of relationships, not be so fake and cynical about ever little fucking thing that i do. yea, maybe you guys didnt get along, you couldve at least tried to see the person for who they are, instead of what you think happens when you arent there. you made it seem like i needed your approval to go out with anyone. not so much. you are nothing morethan just another love stupid person. what made you think i would take your advice. like you said. assumptions can lead to many things. assume away. it got you this far hasnt it? oh and just so you know. the other doesnt like you so much anyways... well actually. to be honest, not alot of people i know like you. why? just cause. maybe its the bitchyness, or the fact that you are so fake around others that is blatantly obvious. or maybe, dare i say, its just your shitty personality that i've been putting up with trying to be your friend. yup. but patience can only hold out for so long. then it just snaps. oh... speaking of which, you say that you put up with alot of my shit, but throughout the years of knowing you, i was the only one that made an effort to keep contact. when have you ever came to my apt? when have you ever gone out of your way to do hang out? when did we ever do what i wanted to? convenient eh? psh. i went way the hell out of my way so we could waste our evenings doing not a damn thing everyday, but no. thats no effort at all right? i mean come on. hah. and your talk about patience. i mean. you are a bitch. when the hell ever did you have any patience? i had to put up with you and your moods and all your fucking whining and drama. and what did i ever get from it... nothing but annoyance. you can tell your friends any story you like about how you are "always" right and let them pump up your over boosted ego even more. oh and you can tell them about how im just such a jackass cause i've made it quite obvious that i dont really give a damn. oh and you can pull the karma bit all you want i mean. i havent done a damn thing wrong. well other than not being your bitch and giving you all the attention you want and crave... but hey. thats my bad aint it? hmm... and excommunicated? cause i didnt call you in a couple of days? hahah. dont be so dramatic. did i not invite you to dinner? did i not go out of my way to make sure to arrange transportation? did you not tell me you didnt wanna go to my bday dinner cause you just didnt feel like it? haha good stuff. and another note. you are nothing to me, therefore i dont need your approval to do a damn thing. and what are you to be "disappointed" with my decisions in life. its MY life. normally friends would be congratulating me for graduating on time, but no, not you. you are so pissed off at me cause im graduating when im suppose to, and for not staying back to live with you for another semester. im sorry for moving on with my life and getting places. im sorry for getting my shit done when i have to and for leaving you behind... what was i thinking. oh. i should put my life on hold so i can be with you for another year... haha im sorry but i have to call BULLSHIT on that. and grow up. you are 20 fucking years old. stop being such a damn child. blocking, deleting and erasing? myspace, facebook, xanga and aim are only online things and is not the core of all existance. get over it. i mean its worse than being in middleschool. but hey. whatever makes you happy. there are people in my life that matter... and they told me that i shouldnt have bothered with you in the first place. i kept saying that everyone has their bad points but a friend is a friend. i shouldve listened to them. the people that actually mattered and the people that it would actually mean something if i were to "disappoint" them. but hey. thats just another lesson learned.

xo.ant

Tuesday, 06 March 2007

My fight against cancer.

This isn't spam. Promise. Please read.
xo.Anthony.

I have joined the fight against cancer... Aggie style! Soon, I will be participating in one of the largest fundraisers in Aggie history- The Aggie Relay For Life. Each of us can do something to save lives and help those already fighting this disease.

Relay For Life is an overnight event that brings our community together to help support the American Cancer Society and its lifesaving mission to eliminate cancer as a major health problem. The Society works hard every day to prevent cancer and save lives by supporting groundbreaking research, affecting public policies that protect us from cancer, and educating people on how to prevent or detect cancer early. The Society helps people with cancer right here in our own community. And our efforts at Relay For Life can help the American Cancer Society to keep working toward a cancer-free future.

I, myself, have lost both my grandparents to cancer, so I would like to personally ask you to donate to the cause. Every little bit counts, and if everyone pitches in just a little, it will add up and make a big difference. Please do what you can, it'll mean alot, not only to me, but to everyone that has lost someone they loved to cancer. The following link is the link to my personal donation site. You can make your donations there or print out the paper form.

http://www.acsevents.org/aggierelay/psychoxshrink

Thank you for anything that you can possibly do. =)
xo.Ant

Tuesday, 06 February 2007

Currently Listening
I Megaphone
By Imogen Heap
see related

yup.
im officially old. =/

Thursday, 23 November 2006

so its that time of year again where i sit down and be thankful for all the people in my life. whether for good or bad, they have made an impact in my life in some way, and because of them, i am who i am the way i am today. sometimes i might not act like it, and sometimes i might not even feel it, but deep down inside, i am grateful for all of my family, friends, acquaintances, accomplices, lost friends and complete strangers. like every year, people come and go from my life, but i would like to take the time to say how thankful i am for the people that have impacted my life in one way or another. this list is always so hard cause there are things that i want to say, but cant actually find the words to say it, and there are people who i just cant thank enough.

God. He is teh-bomb-digity. He is my strength and my courage. without him i would be lost in total darkness and confusion. throughout my day i feel as though he is always there with me guiding me through all i do, and because of that safe and comfort that he provides for me, i am able to walk tall and be confident in everything i do. God is AWESOME-er than the awesome-est. 'nough said.

Parental Units. though you have your moments of going psycho. i an extremely thankful for both of you. yea we argue. alot. but i still love you. i thank you for always supporting me in all i do and for being my financial providers. i know i've been rebellious and hard to deal with at times, but if it werent for you always being there, i dont know where i would be now. you were strict, but also understanding. selfish and closed minded at times, but then again you are parents. thats what you do. harsh but never cruel. you let me make my own choices, and let me decide what i think is right, but you were always there to pick me up if i made the wrong one. no matter what i say when we argue. i still love you. i really do.

Grand Units. i miss you both. i know that you are always praying for us. im thankful that i was able to get close to you and to learn so many things from you. i want you to know that i miss you. alot. watch over us.

Family Units. haha man hardcore like no other. you guys demand alot. but you are family. im thankful that i have all of you to turn to. though you drive me insane most of the time. im always glad to be able to come home to you. usually.

Unit Mini. haha silly little bro. you are awesome. its great spending time with you. im thankful that you look up to me the way you do. it makes me feel special. it also drives me to be a better person. though it doesnt seem that way. i care for you alot, even if im not all mushy about it.

Maree. the worst little sis ever. dude. you suck. but i still love you. no matter how fobbish you are. still you drive me crazy, but then again thats normal... i think. thank you for being someone that i can talk to and to tell my problems to, for always trying to warn me of the "parental unit" and for always getting me clothes. yea i know college is a pain in the ass, lol yay for stressing over BIOL classes. yea sometimes everyone and their momma's can get duper annoying... but you are always there to listen. keep on being a fatass, a fob, and a pain in the ass. thats what makes you who you are, and thats what makes you so cool.

Morris. man. morris. thanks for putting up with all my bs. i know that you are always trying to help, and i thank for always understanding. yea sometimes i go off on you, but thats what bestfriends are for. cause i know you go off on me too. sometimes. its great staying on the phone with you during the all nighters that we pull. though you eventually take naps that you never wake up from, and never wake up from the wake up calls that i give you in the morning, its always a pleasure to be at your service. you will always be someone that i can turn to and talk about anything thats on my mind and its great that i always have someone there to listen. and though there is over 100 miles between us, you are always just a phone call away. thanks for being there for me. and ps... i am you're ONLY manwhore... replace me... and you WILL die.

To all my acquaintances, though our time together isnt all that long, i have learned the ideals of teamwork and of patience when working with you, and im thankful for that. i realized that im not always an easy person to work with either, so im thankful that you were able to put up with me. whether our project was a complete success or a total disaster... i am thankful that i was able to work with you because even though you dont know it, you allowed me to become more openminded and allowed me to see things in a different light.

To my accomplices, im thankful for the fact that i can always count on you to be there with me whenever im feeling psycho/daring/idiotic/crazy. im glad that i have friends like you that i know will be there with me when i want to do something out of this world. not only am i thankful that you'll be there with me... im also thankful that you give me strength and courage that i need to actually pull through with the crazy thought... some would include random road trips, going through with crazy dares and just doing crazy things in geneal. you guys rock.

To those that i dont actually talk anymore. no matter how or what reason our friendship ended. im still thankful that you were part of my life. not really for the memories or the times that were spent together, but more for what i learned afterwards. i learned that there are certain people that i can trust, and then there are some people who i cant. i also learned that friendship is something that i shouldnt take for granted and that friendship alone is something to be thankful for. so without people like you, there wouldnt be people in my life that i care so much for.

-anthony